There are plenty of people today who deliver endless platitudes on LI and other social media platforms. But it is not my intention to be one of those preachers. Rather than tossing out trite observations about women in the work space and maintaining a work-life balance, I am choosing to share deeply personal experiences and reflections— the kind many others have known in their lives but hesitate to discuss.
One of those common social media platitudes refers to everyday mindfulness as a way to be (and remain) positive and to envision positivity in order to pivot from darkness into light. It’s not that I doubt this can happen, but after reading such things I find myself asking the same question: how do people do it? It’s a simple question begging for a simple answer, yet more often than not, the pathway is left to the readers to figure out for themselves.
I’ll try to give an answer…at least, an answer that has worked for me. What do I do? I look to my set point and go back to my core. The reason I chose this pic of me is not for ego gratification or validation, but because this yogic posture (asana) represents something fundamental to me. It is not about how physically strong you are (though a strong core helps) but more about how strong your mind is—especially your mind’s ability to take you back to your set point. What exactly is your set point? It is your usual temperament and mood—that spot on the happiness scale where you naturally return no matter the temporary highs or lows you experience. Maybe you have a low set point, meaning you are naturally downbeat or pessimistic. Maybe your set point is high, indicating you are naturally content and an optimist.
My own set point is positive—by nature I am upbeat and ready to tackle the world. Yet when life hits you very hard, your set point can feel far out of reach. It did for me several years ago at a time when I was struggling and my professional and personal lives were seriously out of sync. How did I regain my set point, and what does this asana have to do with it?
Begin with the fact that this posture can teach the interplay of concentration and attention. And when I say that, I mean the ability to keep the mind focused, unwavering, and at the same time not strained. To keep the body in good health is a duty and a responsibility to yourself; otherwise you will not be able to keep your mind crisp and clear and strong.
Your mind needs to be strong because the solution to feeling out of control is to go inward and let go of all that you can’t control. Until you learn to let go, your inner turmoil will be a vortex of instability. It can cause you to go back to that habit of doubt where your confidence is riddled with darkness. Slow down, push the pause button and go inward. Take a breath. Ignore the pace outside and just slow down the pace within. Settle into an inner calm. Plant the seed and set the intention of your set point. Integrate and become wiser, smarter and more complete.
This process has made me a believer that what works outwardly is a manifestation of inner strength. Outward and Inward don’t happen at the same time. The outward facing Andrea gets confronted daily with setbacks, and the kind of rejection I experience in my line of work can destroy confidence and rattle the set point. I have to be careful to keep the margins of my core and my set point at neutral. This gives me the resilience to go back to my core, and maintain the set point where my healthy self image is not buffeted or destroyed by other people’s actions or judgements or rejections.
Now you see why I work so hard on my core and on strengthening from within. This is the process. It’s the struggles you encounter that develop this strength. It’s when you go through hardships that you can decide not to surrender to outer circumstances but instead go back within, to your core. A strong core helps protect your central nervous system (dear God, I know I need that in my line of work!)…not to mention your confidence and the ability to return to that inner strength and a calm mind. When you physically and mentally build that trust within yourself, the confidence to go on is effortless.
I am not suggesting that I am in a state of complete self confidence. I have days when anxieties creep in and rejection is raw…you can just.ask my colleagues at O3 World :). But as I continue to strengthen my mind, those moments are never completely dark for me. There are smatterings of light and they lead the way back to my set point.
And here is the final gift. As my mind strengthens and my confidence continues to build, that set point actually moves to a higher place. It responds to my journey towards self actualization, my growth as a person, and helps me project the real me to my clients. My professional and personal personas become one and the same—no masks, no artifice, just who I truly am.
